Struggles In Grief
by Klutzygirl33
Summary: After James and Snow's second child is stillborn, the family struggles with the loss.


**Disclaimer**: I don't own Once Upon A Time and never will. No copyright infringement intended.

**Warnings: **Stillbirth.

* * *

Most of Storybrooke had been looking forward to the arrival of James and Snow White's second child, especially the family. Emma was a little wary about her sibling, especially at first, but then she had gradually warmed up to the idea. Henry had liked the idea of bossing someone around, but didn't tell anyone that out loud. And Snow and James had been thrilled about the fact that they were going to have another baby. Everything seemed to go fine during the pregnancy – There was no threat of the curse looming over them this time, so they enjoyed what was happening. The first ultrasound had been amazing to them, especially since they hadn't had that kind of technology in their world during Snow's pregnancy with Emma.

Snow had opted to go to the hospital this time around and was later glad she had chosen to do so. As she gripped James' hand and pushed their second daughter into the world, she couldn't shake the bad feeling that had overcome her three days prior. It wasn't until after the baby was born and neither had crying that they begin to worry. "Is she okay?"

"Doctor Mason?" James eyed his wife's OB/GYN warily and fearfully. He knew the baby crying wasn't a good sign and she didn't look like she was supposed to.

The doctor sighed sadly a few minutes later, after they failed at trying to revive the newborn. "I'm sorry, but your daughter was stillborn. There was nothing we could do."

Snow let out a cry and James stared at her in shock. "Our baby is dead?" He had to say it before he could believe it. How had this happened?

She nodded. "Yes. We can perform an autopsy to determine why, if you wish." This didn't happen in Storybrooke very often, but it had occurred quite frequently in their old world.

"No. I don't want that." Snow couldn't believe this was happening to them. How were they supposed to deal with this?"

"Then we will accept that. Again, I am sorry for your loss." After everything was taken care of, a stunned James went back out into the waiting room to inform his family (and Red, who insisted on coming for support) about what had occurred. He didn't want to have this conversation, but it was inevitable.

Emma was the first to notice him and immediately knew something was wrong by the look on his face. "What happened? Is everything okay?"

James shook his head. "The baby … She was stillborn." He had a hard time wrapping his head around it. How had he and Snow been so excited about their daughter's arrival just yesterday? They had been looking forward to expanding their family.

Red and Emma both gasped. Henry and August weren't sure what to say or do, but they both apologized to him. "Can I go in and see her?" Emma didn't want her mother to be in pain, but it was much too late for that, so she'd just comfort her as best as she could. She really wasn't sure what to do in this situation, however.

"Of course you can." James was going to run home and lock up the nursery, maybe for good. He didn't want Snow to have to face what was in that room. He wanted to lessen his wife's pain as much as he could.

Emma worriedly checked over her father and squeezed his shoulder before rushing into Snow's room. "Hey. Are you okay?" She knew it was a stupid question, but couldn't help but ask.

Snow shook her head and dissolved into tears. Emma fought back her own tears and hugged her mother before she began to rock her back and forth to calm her down. "I'm going to help you two, okay? Don't worry about a thing." She stayed with her until Snow cried herself to sleep and then returned to the waiting room.

A day after that, Snow was released from the hospital. Upon her insistence, the baby – named Gretchen Angela – was buried the next day in Storybrooke's only cemetery. Dozens of people turned out for the funeral. Snow clung to her husband and refused to let go of him the entire time.

As soon as they returned home, Snow climbed into bed and declined to leave it. James, Emma, Henry, and August tried their best to rally her out of the room, but failed. They pretended not to hear the sobs emanating from the bedroom to respect her privacy. She didn't want any comfort and snapped at anyone who tried to help, so it was best to just leave Snow alone for now.

When Regina stopped by to pick up Henry for his weekend at her house, she headed to the kitchen first to talk to James. "I just want to say that I truly am sorry for your loss. Do you need me to do anything?" She was trying her best to redeem herself and that included helping like this, despite her seething hatred for Snow White. (She wasn't over that one yet.)

James sighed. "No thank you. We got it covered. Henry, have fun." Gods knew he wasn't having any here right now. It had been almost two weeks, and Snow barely came out of their bedroom. The house was filled with sadness that no one could escape from.

"I will!" Henry hugged his grandfather and then left with Regina. He felt guilty to admit it, but the twelve year was happy to get out of the house for a little while. It had been stifling there and he couldn't take it anymore.

Unfortunately, Emma and James bore the brunt of Snow's emotions – Sadness and anger seemed to be her two main feelings and there was no escaping them. August was smart and had decided not to bother his future mother-in-law. He figured she had to deal with this on her own, although he could see that it was driving James nuts that he couldn't be there for his wife. He could tell that the man was cracking under his own grief and trying to be strong for Snow wasn't working out so well anymore. He fully expected a breakdown to occur soon.

And then surprisingly, it was Emma who fell apart next. She and her fiancé were lying in bed one night, trying to ignore the fact that Snow was throwing something in the next room, when she just started crying. "Emma, what it is? What's wrong?" August had thought that she had already done her grieving and had started to move on, but he was clearly wrong.

"I feel like this is my fault."

"Why?"

"When Snow and James told me they were having another baby, I was jealous that she would get to be raised by them, that the curse wouldn't tear them apart like it did with us. And now the baby's dead and everything's falling apart." She tried not to give into the tears, but failed.

August rubbed her back. "Listen to me. This is no one's fault, okay? Sometimes these things just happen. Your jealousy didn't cause this, so stop thinking like that, please?" He hated seeing her this upset because it hurt him when she was in pain like this.

She nodded and tried to accept what he was telling her. "Do you think they'll ever recover from this?" Emma really hoped so.

"Sometimes, you can't. But I have faith in them. They're Prince Charming and Snow White. They've gotten through a lot together." He hoped he wasn't proven wrong.

Things came to a head for James six weeks after the loss of his and Snow's second child. After his wife screamed him out of their bedroom again, he couldn't help but stare at the nursery door that was still locked. He got the key out and tried to steel himself before unlocking it and walking in. He tried to stop the pain that was welling up – He couldn't let it out now. Snow needed him, which is why he had kept it buried for so long. He had to be strong for her so she could continue to fall apart. When it finally got to be too much, James rushed out of the room and locked the door again.

He slid down to the floor and finally broke. It felt good to have a release, but that only made James feel worse. He was still sobbing when August found him twenty minutes later. He didn't say a word, only joined him on the floor to offer comfort to the man. That was how Emma found them when she returned home. "Uh, hey. What's going on?"

"He fell apart and I was just sitting here to help." August really didn't mind it – James needed someone, too. He couldn't be strong forever for everyone since that was unrealistic. He knew he had tried his best, however, and admired him for it.

"Ah." Emma sat down on the floor next to them both, grateful that they weren't in that apartment anymore and now had this house with a lot more room. This little moment of grief on the floor probably wouldn't be happening otherwise.

"I feel like a failure." James hated to admit it, but that was the truth. He had to be the strong one, for Snow's sake. She didn't need him like that.

"You are not a failure. You were bound to crack at one point and you couldn't keep holding all this in. It's not good for you. And I'm honestly surprised you lasted this long." Emma comfortingly squeezed his shoulder.

"I'm not supposed to do this."

"You lost a child and there's no right or wrong way to grieve that. You can only be strong for so long." August hoped he was getting through to him.

Henry came running up the stairs and stopped dead in his tracks when he saw there. "Are you okay, Gramps?"

"No, he's not. You want to come over here and help?" Emma knew that if they couldn't get through to her father, Henry could. He always was able to, especially since he and James had bonded while she and Snow were gone. They were pretty close now.

"Okay." Henry reluctantly walked over to them and smiled at his grandfather when he saw him. James put his head in his knees and started to cry again. It felt like his heart was in a vice that he couldn't escape from. It was hard just to make it through the day, especially when he was trying to help Snow deal with her own pain.

"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." James hated that his daughter and grandson were seeing him like this. He was supposed to help them, not the other way around.

"There's nothing to be sorry for." That surprisingly came from Henry. Emma and August exchanged a look of surprise.

"There isn't?" James didn't believe that, but he latched onto the words anyway.

Henry nodded. "It's not your fault or Grandma's fault. It's just really sad and crappy." He hugged his grandfather before returning to his room.

After it got uncomfortable to sit on the floor for so long and James cried himself out, he returned to his bedroom. Snow flinched away from him when he tried to talk to her and he tried not to take it personally, but it was hard. He missed her so much and he needed her back. He needed to talk to her about their loss.

Snow brushed back her own tears, wishing that she could be a better wife and mother. No matter what anyone else said, it was her fault that Gretchen had died. She was the one that had carried the baby inside her for nine months and now she was gone for good. It was a struggle to deal with it every day and dealing with everyone else's pain was impossible to take on. She wanted to get out of bed and live again, but it was hard to. Getting out of the bed seemed like it would take too much energy. James gave her breakfast and dinner in bed, but she ate very little. Snow's appetite was gone.

It felt like she was collapsing under the weight of her own grief and there was no way out. She wanted to be there to comfort James, but it was too hard. Her anger and sadness were at the forefront of her emotions and she couldn't escape them. She knew she was hurting James (and Emma and Henry), but it was easier to ignore it.

Two weeks later, Emma snapped and decided that Snow should no longer wallow in her grief. She pretty much dragged her reluctant (and complaining) mother out of her bed. "You can't keep doing this to us. I know you're grieving, but enough is enough. It's been two months. You need to start living again."

Snow rolled her eyes. "You don't know what I'm going through, so please stop trying to act like you do."

"She was my sister! And I miss her too, I know it hurts so much that you can't breathe, but we all need you, Mom." That was the first time she had said it on purpose, and Emma was fine with it. It felt nice to say. Plus, bringing out the big guns was not something she was afraid to.

Snow softened despite herself. "I don't know how to move on." She hadn't experienced this much grief when her parents had died, but this was a different situation.

"Why don't you go see Archie? I'm sure he can help you. Ja … Dad isn't doing so well, either, you know? I caught him crying in the kitchen yesterday because he got an orange out of the fridge. He's trying to be strong for you, but it's not working out so well. Please, you two need to talk to each other." She fought back her own tears because now wasn't the time to fall apart.

"I can't promise you anything, but I will try." Snow was still drowning in her own grief, but she could get some help and talk to her husband. It was time.

When she went to talk to James, things got off to a bumpy start, but they were both in tears by the end of their much needed conversation. "I love you so much, Snow, and I can't do this without anymore. It's too hard."

"I love you, too, and I'm so sorry. But I don't know how to deal with it." She leaned on his forehead and choked back more sobs.

"I don't know either, but can we please try together?" He could work his way through this with her help, he knew it. He was suddenly extremely grateful that Emma had managed to get through to her and made a note to himself as a reminder to thank her later. With his grief, his memory had been shot to hell and he could barely remember what his next step was supposed to be.

She nodded. "Yes." Snow kissed him and then pulled away quickly. She and James called Archie's office and made an appointment for the next day.

It would take Snow and James a long time to heal from the loss of their child, and they would never fully recover from the devastation. They did move on and their marriage was strengthened after what they went through. Luckily, Gretchen's stillbirth hadn't broken them for good. They eventually tried again and welcomed two healthy children. But it took them a long time to even get to that point as they were afraid of what could happen again. The loss of their child stuck with Snow and James forever. There were good days and bad days, but the good days started winning out eventually. The bad days were horrible when they showed up, usually at random. However, Snow and James pushed through their grief on the bad days – even years later - and came out of the other side stronger.


End file.
